Following Sage Advice

On the advice of my therapist, I looked up the local DBSA chapters to see if one is close. One really is but, alas, it conflicts with (of all things) his appointment.

Otherwise, it would be great. It’s right near a place I was interested in checking out. Close to a library and close to a yarn shop I was also interested in checking out. It’s also not too far from school when I eventually start back up. In lieu of dues, I could volunteer there to cover my membership (so sayeth the site) and they’ve got Arts and Crafts.

I don’t know. We’re going to have to have a talk and I’m going to have to figure out how to make this schedule work.

On the advice of a separate individual who also happens to be a genius and a good human being, I’m going to be scaling back on the level of involvement I have in some things. Chief among these things is my tendency to be the go between for situations that are technically not to do with me. I am not a Case Manager and no one is even offering to pay me to be one.

I’ve got enough on my plate as it is without having to worry about other peoples stuff as well. Slowly but surely, I’ve been taking care if my debts and all the other crap I’ve been putting on the back burner in my life to render aid to others who are more than capable of doing these things themselves or finding someone qualified to help them. It makes me feel better to know that I have been taking time out for myself and minimizing the problems in my own life rather than letting them fester until both they and I reach a breaking point.

All the time I’m working on this, I’m also taking time to center on myself to determine what truly gives me a reason to keep going; what makes me happiest when I’m doing it. The Genius gave me simple advice but, even with that simplicity, it’s probably going to be the single most heart wrenching thing I’ve done.

In the meantime, I read, study, write (’cause I got a good keyboard now), do Promo, Knit, Crochet, Sew, and otherwise learn.

Stressful Insurance Crap

I just found out that the majority of my required medical labs aren’t covered by my insurance handler. Now consider, I asked them in advance of even signing up for them whether or not they covered these specific medical procedures. At the time, they were all “Sure, yeah we do!” but now they’re having disconnects, fuzzy maths, and anything else to confuse the issue.

I take medications that REQUIRE me to have regular labwork done to check my levels and liver function. Why in the hell would I sign up with an insurance carrier that would rip me off to the tune of thousands of dollars given that I asked them IN ADVANCE whether or not they covered these basic procedures?

At this point, it would be cheaper for me to forget about insurance at all, sign up for fee scale, and pay out of pocket.

What’s the point in having insurance if its going to cost more than not having insurance? I think when the time for my renewal comes up, I’m going to make it a priority to switch to another carrier.

Yippeeeee!!!!!!!!

Oh finally, I am out of keyboard hell.

For quite a while now, I’ve been dealing with semi-dead keyboarding issues.

For the lowly price of $9.00USD I have a working keyboard capable of typing exclamation points and Question marks. All those keys people usually take for granted until accessibility wizard knocks them all out with no chance of recovery.

The only thing is that it’s a USB keyboard and I’ve got ps/2 ports. Shut up! Ahhhhhh exclamation points.

I might invest in a hub until I can get a newer model computer. Then when I trade this one off on the Maternal Parental for her educational use, I’ll have one with multiple hub slots capable of handling all my perephials.

I can write again!!!!!

Avoiding Employment

Ok, this is just plain stupid.

If someone is desperate for a job, why would they turn down a perfectly good advertisement…

I know someone who claims to be desperate to find work but, despite repeated advertisements for jobs at the Jo-Anns up in Owings Mills, this person will not even apply for the job. It’s the very job they want but they’re not touching it. Instead, they’d rather travel thirty plus miles out of their way to work on the other side of the county at a place they know damn well they won’t be able to get to at the best of times. Forget about bad weather and traffic jams.

Me thinks someone doesn’t really want a job.

I actually kept this information from someone openly looking for work in the street Halloween night because I was hoping that this person would see reason and take this opportunity while its in their face.

See if I do this next time. I should have given that lady I saw the information instead. At least she was keen.

Febrile Wondering

What possesses people to adhere to the chemical regimen?

I was talking about putting two strand twists in my hair with the Maternal Parental and, despite repeatedly mentioning needing a spray bottle to put water in for use during the styling of my hair, all that was heard was “chemical”. I got multiple suggestions on how I could use any number of spray amalgams to “fix” my hair and have it look like other womens hair.

Uh no.

I like my hair the way it is.

I was already leaning towards splurging to take her to see the movie Good Hair. After today, I would say the leaning is in the territory of keeling over.

Aside from that, I have the Flu. Dunno which version of it, but no normal Rhinoviral pathogen could take me down like this. I’m starting to get better and, hopefully, I’ll be at least mobile by tomorrow. I have a heavy backlog of work, which I do not like at all. I also have more volunteer training that I absolutely do not want to miss.

Becoming The Right Person

Found while on 43things for personal tag editing. Makes you think.

“There are many more people trying to meet the right person than to become the right person.”
- Gloria Steinhem

It was recently brought to my attention that I tend to over-apologize for things even when they’re not my fault. It’s a long, bad habit that goes back a way based on a past history of too much people pleasing in settings far too dysfunctional. I’m making an effort to minimize it but it was nice to get a kick in the pants [so to speak] about it.

Little improvements made over time adding up to one big change. Oh yeah, and I finally made another passable scrap via crocheting. I think it can now be said…I’m a hooker with a heart of gold. *groan*

Wild Darkness

Not only did I have to start a second Composition Notebook journal after a request from my therapist on Monday for a small record of my recent mood and sleeping habits but the damn thing is now getting so dark, its insane. I’m not sure whether it’s a good or bad thing that I’m more amused than shocked by the whole thing. It’s now more than ten pages with the promise of much more for less than two days worth of writing so far.

I am currently rapid cycling and my mood has been shifting from one extreme to the next in as few as fifteen minutes. It’s actually quite an interesting thing to observe when I’m not busy going through the pain and trauma of it all. Sadly, more often than not, I don’t have the clinical detachment to appreciate the scientific side of this. Sort of living it, which isn’t fun at all.

I am exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and anything else one could think to throw in there.

Ah well, back to it. I’m dragging behind in some volunteer stuff and I want to get it finished before three hours are up.

I just hope this tones down before my Jury duty comes up. If I’m still this bad or worse a week from now, I’m going to put in for a postponement.

Crescendo Crisis

Some days I just feel like screaming my head off.

Second Class Crochet – Success

Sort of…

I finally got the basic mechanics of Crochet down to the point where I was able to take it off of my 43things list but…still, I am messing up in places. At least now, I know what in the heck I’m looking at in the diagrams thanks to the wonderful woman who taught us all on this Saturday last at the Woman’s Industrial Exchange. I can’t wait for the next class…

So far, I’ve got a very nice acrylic scrap and a very nice cotton…scrap. I’m working with my practice yarn on another very nice acrylic…scrap. The only thing getting me is the turning. To aid in my re-learning of this, I just put twenty five books on hold at the Library. Yay.

Yes, I really do read this much. No, I really don’t have much of a social life.

Just to be snippy. In the interest of public disclosure per FTC regulations, I made no money from this free class. All I came away from the class with was my newly acquired Crochet knowledge, my acrylic scrap and my cotton scrap. Neither of which is big enough to make a pastie on an A cup boob let alone charge a fine.

New FTC Rules – My Statement

I read on About.com about some recent FTC rules concerning bloggers and microbloggers. As if anyone would believe I made actual money off of this stuff. If you want to hire me for my writings, I’m shocked. Truly.

Pay me in Gelt. The good chocolate kind too, not the sickly sweet bubblegum crap that loses flavor five seconds after it hits your tongue.

For the record, I make no money off of any of my blogs. Tried, failed very dismally, and moved on with one. The Art of Lunar Bipolarity now displays my artworks as created but has nothing to do with any selling I do…as stated on that particular blog.

If you even dream that my lunatic ravings are making me money for this one, you need a seat next to mine in bedlam. *snorfle*

The Fitness of KaliTime is another blog that doesn’t make me any money. Just to be on the safe side, I’ll no longer post about any studies I hear about on there if even the remote possibility of me being hit with a fine should come up. Sorry world. In this struggling economy of all places…geeze.

On the wide variety of sites that I am displayed in whatever form, I am making no money unless specifically stated sales sites like Craigslist or others. Considering sales lately, I would say that I’ve given up on this one too Ha ha.

If I were, believe me, I would not be living here. If I made a dollar for every letter in all my convoluted writings over the years, I’d have my own house, a Honda Element, Cycles Maximus, and big huge garden. No, I get nothing from either company. I can’t even drive or ride a bicycle yet.

Any work I do, studies I do and post about, etc are self explanatory and [I hope] are clarified enough that even I can understand them. If there were money to be made by them, believe me, I was clear enough about it and I certainly didn’t get compensation for my posting about it. Who in the hell would want my ravings as a review…

I Yelp mainly about places I like/dislike and, again, no financial compensation to be had.

If I review an artist, it is because I like/dislike the work of said artist. The most I’ve gotten out of that has been hugs. You can’t very well anti-hug me of that persons or persons physical display of appreciation, can you…

Anyway…

Update Political Test 2009

Every once in a while, I like doing an update of this test to see where I am politically.

So far…I’m still in the same area.

You are a Social Liberal (86% permissive) and an… Economic Liberal (5% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

My Sixth Grade Art Teacher

Raymond Levenson was my sixth grade Art Teacher. At first, we were all hesitant to warm up to him because he was replacing our beloved Mr. Geiger in the post and I think the poor guy knew it as he quietly contemplated our displays of affection for our outgoing teacher.

Yet, in a rather comical reversal of fortune for our former Sub, we zoomed over to him one by one in cartoon like fashion on his first day.

I can even remember what drew me. Our mutual love for the music of Paul Simon or, as he jokingly referred to him as, the Giant Gonzalez Band. We were all heavy wrestling heads at the time and Wrestlemania IX at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, Nevada was coming up in a few days so our rather amusing fighting fever was on for the showdown between The Undertaker and The Giant Gonzales. Ah, old memories.

To this day, I still remember the things he taught us, from pottery and sketching to textiles and all the other Arts and Crafts we learned during his tenure at Robert Poole Middle School. I even still have the pencil sketch he did of me on Manila paper just before my twelfth birthday and the Georgia O’Keefe style pinch pots we made under his instruction. I got the sketch laminated after years of keeping it safe in a clear plastic produce bag while I was in high school. Click for a larger view of the picture.

The funny irony is, I’d been trying to find him online over the years to ask ‘official’ permission to use it and link to him if he had a site or something out of respect for the work he did and the patience, humor, and humanity he taught to us in class. It’s the sketch of me I use for most of my profiles. I always thought of it as amazing because, for a change, it reflected exactly how I looked with no bias or criticism. He even got my eyebrows right and, at the time, I was particularly sensitive about those given all the comments I’ve gotten for as long as I could remember from both friends and enemies.

I thanked him at the time but it was the thanks of a barely teenaged kid who hadn’t developed a full appreciation of just how good it was artistically. At the time, I just saw it as a good likeness after hearing his nasal complaints about my moving and fidgeting in the seat while he sketched.

After months of not searching, on a lark, I decided to try first Facebook and then Google to see if my luck might change. Well, it did but I don’t consider it a positive. I just found out a few minutes ago that he died a little under two months ago on 9 August 2009. People like him – with such a great wit and positive humor as the one I remember should live a heck of a lot longer. May he Rest in Peace.

Makes Me Want To Take Up Running

Though, in my case, it’s more likely to resemble the earlier scenes from Run Fatboy, Run. Minus the cigarettes and drinking, of course.

It’s those characteristics that Semenya’s competitors see in the world champ, leading them to predict — and hope — that her forthcoming gender results will leave her ineligible to compete with women. “Just look at her,” barked Mariya Savinova, the fifth-place finisher from Russia, following Wednesday’s race. Italian Elisa Piccione, who finished sixth, was equally severe: “These kinds of people should not run with us. For me, she’s not a woman. She’s a man.” She also outran them both — and not even a gender test can change that. [More]

I suppose runners two, three, and four were men as well. I wonder if Elisa Piccione considers Mariya Savinova a man because she was ahead of her in the race…

I could see complaints if they had fininished at two, three, or even four but its not like they finished anywhere near the beginning. Quit whining about the fact that Caster Semenya definitely beat you of all people fairly and cleanly. So did three other people.

I Never Really Thought Through This One…

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fishburger and I realize, oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner.”
- Lynda Montgomery

It does make you think though LOL.

When I was at Seaworld last in 1999, I went to this cool place and had pizza and the best damn Cheesecake I’ll ever have in my life. The guy there was so great, he even wrapped up the food we couldn’t finish for us to take with us. You don’t get service like that anymore, I swear.

I wish I could remember the name of the place but I think he was running it with his kids.

Met My Match With MVCB1000

I caved and contacted Memorex about the defective pile of… downstairs.

As much as I actually don’t miss most of the things they brought on television outside of WETA and a few other [mainly PBS] stations, I do miss the pacification it offered to the Maternal Parental who’s now taken to attaching herself to my every movement throughout the day.

Let’s see what they say…

Fox Elipsus – Free Concert Alert

I just got invited to a free concert at The Daily Grind on Thames Street by Fox Elipsus [and Facebook Group]. I plan on going and hope that, in reading this, you might do the same. As far as I can tell, its totally free. All you’ve got to do is show up and enjoy.

It’s on Tuesday 8 September and will be from 7pm – 9pm. Perfect for the Metro times even LOL.

If only more things in life were like that…

This’ll also help in my 43things ‘concerts’ goal. Awesome.

Good Friggin’ Grief…

Things lately are just so feh. Feh fits for the general feeling. There is no other word. No synonym of any other word even remotely fits.

Feh.

We’re talking bored/weird feelings of the sort where, if some strange science fiction-esque event were to happen right now, I think it would be more interesting than what’s been happening lately. Except for what happened in Torchwood – Children of Earth. No spoilers here…just. Man.

Proof of my desperation can be found on top of my head. I actually did it. I’ve got twists in my hair and I’m more than three quarters of the way done. Any notion of me making even a remote effort at styling my hair is proof of the coming Apocalypso and the Ragnarock and Roll. [Inside joke]

Now to go and finish this hair. Then some yummy fun charity knitting. In for a penny…

Holy Crap, I’m Ahead For a Change

Imagine my shock when, on opening my AtMP e-mail, I find a snippet of a review for a book I checked out of the Library weeks back. It’s called One Big Happy Family and discusses the widely divergent experiences of people in non-traditional familial and romantic relationships. It’s a short summary but it’s my summary damn it. Either way, I highly recommend the book. I found myself nodding along to more than a few things written in there in a way I haven’t been able to in quite a while.

I was just shocked when a few books came up when I did my random search for things to read based on keywords.

Man, I feel strange. I’m supposed to be an oddball. I can’t have all this newfangled similarity with others gosh darn it.

Come to think of it, they’re due in a few days. The books, not the similarities.

Blast From The Past

Long long time ago, when I was under the care of a total and complete Airhead, I had medication issues and searched Doctor Google.

Thankfully, I came across this site and asked this question.

Saved my life. By November of 2005, I was at the point where I couldn’t breathe, move, or string together a coherent sentence. I didn’t get the help I needed until three months later when it just ’slipped out’ that the Airhead wasn’t my pharmacologist.

My therapist now says that, given my condition at the time [supersick and spaced out], I shouldn’t blame myself but even so, I didn’t trust Airheads competance to begin with when I was first assigned to her years before. Something about her just rubbed me the wrong way but, back then, I told myself I was being irrational.

Weird, I haven’t thought about it in a while. Ah well, back to knitting and Numb3rs.

First Class Felting – Success

It was an absolutely awesome class yesterday at the Woman’s Industrial Exchange. Despite having, like, no experience with felting and very little with hand sewing, I managed not to look like a complete idiot. I even made a cute little pin cushion out of a soda bottle cap and some felt and batting.

Most others went crazy with the colors but me, being uniform [oddly] chose fatigue green with a little decorative red puff ball on top. It looks like a little military inspired cupcake or something. I then took the cue from the woman sitting next to me and hand embroidered my initials into the side. Yep, I so rock. LOL

Slowly but surely, I’m learning the crafting skills. Even while there people were talking about the items up for sale as we waved at the tourists passing by on the ‘Ride the Duck’ aqua vehicle. Quite a few things in there go for a low enough price that even I feel comfortable charging. I’m just hoping I can push a few items in the store which will sustain me.

I gave this Saturday class a ‘fleshing out’ phase to see if I’d like it and, on finding I do, I’ll be down there for the First Thursdays events now as well. That place is great.

Now, to go downstairs to knit and watch the rest of Numb3rs.

Frankenstein No More I Hope

I may well be getting rid of my long time enemy Frankenstein AKA Frankenfoot – The Pain. That painful tendon injury that seemed not to want to go away is seemingly more in love with my worn down leather boots when compared with my bouncy springy now trash toss’d black Street Smarts boots from Payless.

As a result, the pain has lessened. If I push my foot too far in one day, I pay for it with a few hours pain the next morning but other than that, I think its getting better. I hope it’s getting better. I would really like to get back to donating blood myself and if this injury doesn’t heal by Hallowe’en 2010, I will cry.

Though, in reality, I have Frankenstein to thank for getting me back into volunteering seriously, so I shouldn’t complain. I felt so utterly useless in not being able to donate blood product via apheresis, that I went ahead and reapplied for my old volunteer posts to not only help out but to fill to void left from not being able to give. It’s not only helped but, so far, I’ve had the best summer of my life helping out with different gigs and have learned things I never would have read about in a million years through ‘The Human Experience’.

Those years of isolation during my childhood have really made me appreciate everything. A person I no longer like or talk with said, when remarking on my lack of childhood experiences, said [not viciously] that it seemed as though I’d spent my life in an ivory tower. If he was ever right about anything, he was right about that. I’m only now cutting through a lot of the fumbling inexperience most people are completely over with by the time they’re half my age. Metaphorically, my voice is beginning to crack but still, it’s fun.

So to Franks, I give my salutations. I may well get my hands on some good strong celebratory Ginger Beer if he disappears completely before the end of this year.