This is Too Mean…but what the hell!

I wasn’t going to post this one. Bitesizenews.net had put up a post regarding the whole thing about Bunim-Murray Productions being snippy about the…not so nice…comments being flung Paris Hiltons way.

The Bitesizenews post then requested people send their own letters into the site and I typed this up before thinking to myself that it was just too mean even for me but showed it to Off It.

Anyway, here.

Dearest Paris Hilton,

I noticed recently that you’ve been stitched up in the slammer. Apparently, you’ve not been a good girl recently. Heck, when have you ever been a good person?

According to one source who specializes in your type of dire and drastic sufferance, you’re in your current mental state due to you not being surrounded by your coterie of brown nosing sycophants.

Take heart dear ’cause I’m here to help.

Personally, I’ve not had a bunch of booty kissing butt wipes jumping to my every whim over the course of my life. It’s not so bad actually. Despite not having a car or even a drivers license, I do know how to gas up a car and I can survive without Mommy and Daddy’s specially appointed handlers coming to bail me out of trouble every five seconds.

I know it seems like a rough time in jail right now but don’t worry, you’re not going to be in long. This whole thing will be over before you know it and, if you so choose, you can make this a positive experience for yourself rather than a glum one.

Just consider this: Martha Stewart was in jail way longer than you will be and she found a way to make the most of her time instead of whining and complaining about every little thing. I’m sure you’ll do well having only to spend a few days in jail by comparison.

It could be worse, you could be in for a federal mandatory minimum sentence for your alleged drug use like so many others are in this country. People who have addiction problems or who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time get slapped up for months to years while people like you get off easy. I don’t pretend to know the mental machinations of the legal system in this country but it’s something I have noticed over the years.

Just think, you’re getting out of jail in less than a months time while some mother with five kids is being locked up due to her boyfriend/husband/whoever stitching her up and putting drugs inside a home in her name without her knowledge. Yet, because she’s the registered tenant, she’s the one going to jail while her kids grow up with relatives or even in the foster system.

Compared to that, my goodness, surely your case is a Euripedean tragedy!

In fact, I’ve had numerous friends and acquaintances who were in juvie and prison with much longer sentences for much less serious offenses and despite their overwhelming mental issues, ranging from Schizophrenia to severe Mood Disorders to a history of traumatic abuse at the hands of others, they somehow managed to power through and come out on top.

Oddly, they didn’t have anyone in their lives calling them pretty all the time or to tell them how well they were doing. In fact, they had quite the opposite and spent a good deal of their lives in the foster care system or out on the streets due to their neglectful abusive caretakers. Even so, they never once complained and did their best to be helpful and mindful to others needs and emotions rather than act like spoiled petulant brats with no sense of selflessness or humanity.

Yet, I am reasonably sure that they didn’t suffer nearly as much as you. They often went days without food because, for the most part, they were all poor. Often the only meals they had were the ones at school while you must have really suffered under the torment and terror of excessive wealth and glamour. While you were tormented in the safety of your warm and inviting home they had the comparative paradise of growing up in derelict neighborhoods rampant with crime, drugs, and…why, people like you who chose to come and do your drugs in our neighborhoods rather than mess your own places up!

Gosh, remind me to thank the people like you for gracing our homes with your presence. It’s really appreciated. Sort of like ‘The Simple Life’ on Crack.

I am deeply sorry for your pain and anguish over all these years. No one should be subjected to such cruelty as food whenever you want it, an almost unlimited supply of finances, a good education, friends and family who shower you with attention, and the adoration of millions. It must be the most brutal thing on Earth to have to go through so much unrelenting pain. You have my deepest condolences for all the horrid things you’ve gone through.

Your life puts me into mind of a movie I’ve not seen in a very long time. It was a movie I saw as a child called ‘Maid to Order‘ starring Ally Sheedy. Perhaps you could learn a thing or two from watching it. More likely than not, perhaps you could use a Fairy Godmother like Stella to slap some sense into your spoiled inconsiderate over-privileged ass.

Please…please! Keep your chin up. The sun is going to shine brighter for you with each passing day.

Addendum (14:25 17 June 2007): It dawned on me that one or two people might actually read this post when I got a comment on it. To that end, whether you like this post or not, link to it or not, please go and give blood product. Whether you can or cannot yourself, also convince three people to do the same and tell them to convince three people and so on. I figure something good might as well come out of my mental ramblings and a lot of people could potentially be helped from this.

One person can save up to three lives in donating blood product and, during this time of year, it’s normally hard for blood collection sites to get donors in due to weather and vacation periods. Pretty please?