Relative Psychosis

I am now at the point where I am shopping around for home answering machines to combat the stupidity of stupid relatives and their inability to understand the concept of voice mail even though they have accounts themselves and they know damn well that no home answering machine exists anywhere on these premises.

An example: I had spent most of the night not able to get some sleep and just as I was on the threshold of falling under, the telephone rings. Given that the ring limit is set to five and I have my ‘Don’t answer it unless you know who’s calling rule’ in place, I didn’t even bother getting up. So when the limit was reached, the service kicked in and voila, I thought that was the end of it. No…

Apparently, to my psycho relatives, the fact that there is an answering service there means nothing to them and rather than just leaving a message like any other sane rational person would do, they instead chose to hang up and call right back and thus ring the telephone another five times before repeatedly doing it over and over to a sum total of 31 rings before they finally figured that NO ONE WAS PICKING UP!

Surely, I thought that this must have been some sort of emergency to warrant such behavior but no. The one and only message left by Pee Aunt was “Just called to say hi. I’m home and am just probably going to relax. Call me when you get in.” before the message ended.

Things like this are normal and are only to be topped by the people who, despite being told and having this themselves, don’t seem to grasp that there is a difference between voice mail and a home answering machine. Long…Loooooooooooooooooooooong messages usually containing only the words “Pick up the phone. I know you’re there! Stop playing and pick up the damn phone!” are often directed at the box for this number without so much as a thought that they might not get a reply because it is VOICE MAIL and not a HOME ANSWERING MACHINE!

So, now after much trying and medication, I am awake again and am watching the telephone like a hawk. They are so catching it, I don’t care anymore. My pain will be their pain. My sorrow theirs.

*fuming with steam shooting from my ears*

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One thought on “Relative Psychosis

  1. Fuck ’em. I set my phone ringer to three and the click goes on. to take the message immediately. The message tells them “You have reached, ###-###-####. I screen ALL of my calls and will not pick up the phone unless you identify yourself. If I hear you, and I am nearby, I will pick up as soon as possible. If I don’t pick up, then I am sleeping, working, bathing or doing something else and can’t get to the phone. Leave your name, phone number and brief message at the sound of the beep, and I will get back to you when I can.” Brief pause and the beep sounds. End of message,

    I sleep in another other room so I don’t have to even hear the phone most of the time and I turn the ringer down low enough to insure that it doesn’t disturb me much when I am intentionally ignoring it.

    Both my sane and totally crazy relatives and friends have finally figured out that I will NOT answer the phone ever, unless they start quacking. I warn any doctors or business people who may need to talk to me that I screen my calls too so they will remember to TALK dammit.

    I think everyone is also finally figuring out that sometimes I may not answer EVEN IF I AM HOME, because I may be sleeping, working on my studies, or sick or something.

    They also know that I really hate phones and gabbing on the phone and that I view it as an instrument of torture for me, because I’ve told them repeatedly.

    They seem willing to accept the premise that primarily I am protecting myself from prank callers and salesmen, so that is why they have to quack at all in order to be considered.

    Like I said. Fuck ’em. There’s no emergency greater than my need for peace and calm!

    Now back to studying for all my finals.

    Liked by 1 person

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