Hobbing Psyche

Hung out with ‘Dark Knight‘ again today. I think I had better lay off a bit before he gets too sick of me to bother. Hanging out with him is one of the few bright spots in my life right now. Today was not good. Woke up too late for one class and lapsed on the time of the other class. Once the parent realized I was home for the day, the knocking and gossiping began. This is despite the repeated pleas to leave me alone since I was studying.

My leg is too messed up to walk anywhere, so I reached out to the only person I knew might be able to get me out of here. Like Batman, he came to my rescue too. I just have to remember not to flash the signal unless it’s truly dire again. Next time, I’ll just drag myself out of the house and use a cane to walk until the parent gets over whatever it is she’s going through. I’m not trying to restrict myself from her emotionally but banging on the door and calling me every two minutes is too damn disturb(ed)ing for words. I want to make it academically and don’t need that happening. Then when I explain this, she gets a gripe about me even going to school and makes suggestions that I should just quit and stay with her.

How supportive is it to have a parent who constantly and consistantly tells a child to quit? She even did that when I was in high school and if I had listened to her then, I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now. I might be one of the messed up people who used to break into the apartment building I lived in to use drugs and who knows what else in the halls at all hours.

Truth is, I’m tired of this whole game being played by my family. I’m only doing this to leave this area as fast as possible and the only way to leave is to make enough money to leave. The only way to legally get the money is to go to school, so I’m going. Death before dishonor. If I don’t make it this time, then I don’t make it. It’s the way I feel these days. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being milled flat by my family until there’s nothing left of me like so many others have gone through.

Anyway. Tomorrow is a Math class and I hope I pass it. I’ve been going online like the professor suggested but it’s not really doing anything for me in the way of helping out. I’m going to try again tonight and hopefully absorb whatever stuff is on this site. It’s ironic, all throughout school when I was a kid I was terrible at Mathematics and good at everything else and now it seems as though the subjects are reversed. Math is the one class I’m not really messing up in. Weird.

Then there is the issue with my little friends, the Depakote Squad. If I take them, I am too sleepy to function but stable moodwise and if I don’t, well, I’ll probably piddle out in a few weeks time if not sooner. I don’t want that to happen again, so I take them but it’s hard. I can’t concentrate that early it seems. I’ll just have to learn to work through it.

Some uninterrupted sleep would be nice but I’m highly doubtful of it happening. Between people ringing the damn telephone all hours of the day and night to gossip, the parent banging on the door or calling all hours, and going to school, I’m losing more and more weight due to stress than I’ve lost from months of working out and Yoga. I’m just tired.

I wish those paid research studies would hurry up and be here. That would at least be some money in my pocket. I could repay ‘Dark Knight‘ for the kindness he’s extended me twice already. I could also pay down the maxed out card, put something in the bank, and buy some real food instead of the junk and non-food favored by the parent. I don’t care how you try to slice it, cigarettes, tea, and cookies are not healthy wholesome food.


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