The Good, Bad, and Ugly

Let’s see.

The good:

I am still alive and somehow have managed not to totally crash as I’ve done semesters past. I’m not curled up in a corner of my room or in bed too lethargic to move as a result of depression, so that’s something. My health is also improved since a few months ago when I was barely able to make two steps without collapsing.

I also managed to see Alejandro Escovedo (I swear someones going to hit me if I mention this again) in concert. It was the best time I’ve had in a very long time.

The bad:

I failed and/or withdrew from all of my classes. The bright spot in this is that I was able to see myself crashing and managed to get the proper paperwork filed in advance of the downfall I knew was inevitable. So, next semester is looking a lot brighter than it would have if I hadn’t responded in time.

My back is current killing me though due to having to use this shitty chair I’ve had since I was a kid. My mother got this school desk and concrete chair for me when I was little and since my real computer chair broke, I’ve been using it as a replacement until I can get another. The difficulty has been in just when I can get the replacement since a lot of things keep cropping up which seem oh so much more important than buy a new damn chair. Little things like rent, groceries, and electricity. *sigh* It will happen. I just have to keep my mind on it.

The ugly:

A ghost from the past sent me the single most annoying thing MSN ever created: a Nudge. The ex-boyfriend apparently wishes to talk about something but my interest is long gone. About the only reason I’d consider talking with him right now would be to go to the upcoming Alejandro Escovedo concert in Alexandria, Virginia since the ex lives nearby. Even that is a stretch.

As if that eww with ex weren’t bad enough; the other ex is also making overtures about rekindling the relationship equivalent of the petrified forest. It’s one of those “Itain’tevergonnahappenagainsoquittrying” sort of things but sadly, neither the ex nor his friend seem to get this.

It’s ironic too. Both relationships ultimately hinged on me converting to their ways of beliefs (i.e. being brainwashed) and the entire time I was with them, I got nothing but derision and disrespect. Yet now that I’m fully independent of them with my self respect intact, they’re sniffing around for a second chance. Uh uh. I guess it is true. You only want what you can’t have.

The truth is that, despite the belief of some, I’m too old for this stuff. I do not want to spend the rest of my adult existence babysitting some emotionally stunted entity who is only interested in me because they want a combination “live in maid/brainwash victim/second chance at youth”. It’s not cute at the best of times and right now, to me, it’s looking bloody annoying. I am rather fed up with listening to these referred to persons doing their damndest to crush any notion of the dreams and ambitions I have for myself in favor of the life they have imagined me living.

It’s not happening.

Pbbbbt, I ned some sleep. I’ve been up all night doing stuff to my rattletrap PC.

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