Thoughts – Spring Is In My Mind

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately in no particular order.

  1. Yarn, and lots of it…duh
  2. Last years 43things goal
  3. Knitting
  4. Crocheting
  5. The Library
  6. Toxic Relationships in my life
  7. My taste in music
  8. The drought in intimate relationships
  9. This years 43things goal
  10. The other goals on my 43things list
  11. Sewing
  12. Sign Language
  13. Container Gardening
  14. Seeds of Change seeds
  15. Cleaning up my Inbox [gosh it needs it]
  16. Clinical Studies

Usually, these things run concurrently through my mind, so you can imagine the chaos going on right now but I’m taking it all in stride since I’m used to it and even using it to my benefit by aiding in my writing.

With some things, like the Library, its more a question of the acquisition of near limitless knowledge that drives me and so it covers most of this list. Usually, when I go there nowadays, I’m there to check out books on Sewing, Knitting, Crocheting, Container Gardening, Cooking, and Sign Language. It’s been a good inexpensive way to attain a lot of knowledge without the restriction of a store manager hanging over my shoulder enforcing a ‘No Reading’ policy.

With the Seeds of Change seeds, its come to that most wonderful time of the year where I’m set to buy the seeds for what will hopefully be this years fantastically spectacular container garden. In all honestly, I have no hope. My mother spends her life smoking out on the back patio and then swears she doesn’t throw her cigarette and cigar butts right into my pots. Riiiiiight…the squirrels have a conspiracy against you. Suuuuure.

Even with that, I’m going to try. The only seeds that produced anything substantial were Seeds of Change babies. Everything else crapped out, including plants that allegedly were supposed to like the weather we had last Summer. In addition to Peppers and Tomatoes, I may well try my hand again at [not eating] Nasturtiums [straight off the vine] again. The last time I grew them, the poor things didn’t have a chance. Beautiful orange and yellow-ish flowers though.

With toxic relationships…it’s that most wonderful time of the year. I’ll be throwing the Clearout e-mail out and hoping for some not to reply. If they do, I’ll just have to let them know that I’m no longer interested in their acquaintance. Some of these people are family or people who’ve been as close to me as family over the years but, sadly, the time has come for the break to occur. As it is, we’re hardly speaking now, if at all, so it’s not like there would really be a difference beyond the lack of social connection.

Either that or throw them onto my Facebook account under heavy restriction. It’s how I’m connecting with most people now anyway.

Some day soon, I am going to get power cords for both my laptop and speakers. I am a little more than sick of having to listen to music blasted in my ear via a microphone headset. Aside from the fact that it’s not stereo, it’s also loud as hell. Who ever said that Labtec didn’t make good product. It’s great for talking with someone on Skype but for listening to music in…gosh, it’s loud.

Come to think of it, lately, I’ve had no pull for a good majority of my collected music. I’ve got over 1,000.00 in CDs alone but very few of them are appealing to me right now. Weird. I may have to put some music on hold at the Library to get out of this weird zone. Technological revolution, I suppose. At least I’ve got Yuri Buenaventura, Lounes Matoub, Cheb Hasni, Rachid Taha, Manu Chao, and Idir. I never get sick of them.

Here’s one. The Infamous Relationship Drought. DA DA DA DUM…

I’ve been told in both pleasant and not so pleasant phrasing that, because I am not actively engaged in a relationship that I must be mentally defective. My mental stuff is a whole ‘nother animal. My reasons for not being involved in a relationship though are due to my not settling for the first rancid thing that throws itself at me. Now, I don’t find a problem with this at all and, especially recently, it’s given me the self confidence to brush off guys that I wouldn’t trust with my worst enemy, whereas before I would have accepted their offer with us ‘going steady’ by the end of the month. Gosh, that sounds so ‘High School’.

Don’t patronize me. I’m doing good compared with my past situation. I feel better about myself and I’m not poisoning myself emotionally, physically, or psychologically like before, which is a breath of fresh air. In fact, I found it amusing to find a number of people on a site called YourTango who were of a similar mind to me on a ‘relationships’ website the other night.

Beyond a few articles, I haven’t really had a chance to do so much as gloss through it but, from what I’ve read, it looks interesting. Unlike most sites, they’re seemingly open to Poly relationships, which is unusual in my experience for ‘relationship’ sites.

As it stands, I’m more open to sticking my toe in the water but I’m in something of a problem. Everyone is unique and, in my case, I apparently seem to be so beyond normal. I have no issue with extra marital relationships or ‘shackin’ up’. I have no problem [hell I AM] Polyamorous relationships. I am actually very Liberal when it comes to a lot of things. Even so, I am reticent to have sex with everything with a pulse that comes along.

Nor am I willing, without even knowing someone more than five minutes, willing to travel to then come live with them on a permanent basic. In fact, I think I’m even more reticent of people who attempt that one than the ‘sex with everyone’ types. I’ve been asked a few times to go and live with some on nothing more than a single IM conversation and, if these people are honest, they’ve got kids. Now, I know that I’m no piece of shit but just who else are they’re inviting into their homes without so much as a second hour worth of conversation?

I don’t know why this makes me weird or why some have questioned my integrity as ‘true Poly’ based on this view but there it is. Whether this is the true cause of the drought is a mystery to me but I have noticed that the restriction is there. So, call me crazy, but that’s my view. I’m not wavering from it either.

So, for the record.

  1. Prefers open/openly committed relationships. Equal partnerships.
  2. Polyamorous, leans toward Polyandry Not opposed to other relationship models.
  3. Not willing to lift up stakes without getting to know you. That’s just absurd.
  4. Wanting to take things slow and get to know each other.

If that sounds unreasonable to you, then keep on walking.

Yarn, yarn, yarn, yarn, lovely yarn, yarn. Paid clinical studies, paid…I think I’ve said enough. Work money for food, clothing, and shelter costs. Study money dedicated to supplies for hobbies. Well, it will be once bills are paid, my pet bank accounts are a starving a bit less, and at least two of my 43things goals are fulfilled. [More and More]

With last years goal, I just still can’t believe I did it. I challenge everyone do to it themselves. You’d be surprised what you come to value by the end of it all.

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