Now I’m Terrified…

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain”.

Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, Dune – 1965

I have an appointment, in Baltimore City, in a few days. I’m going to have to go to it by myself. I’m not feeling very good right now. Not good at all. It’s an appointment I can’t miss or reschedule and it’s been months in the making.

Right now, I can feel a Tsunami of panic trying to get in but I’m just numb. Hopefully, this numb feeling will stay with me through to and beyond the time of my appointment. Oh well, it could be worse. It could be a really far appointment like Bethesda. I’ll get through this. I’ll have to.

Just for shits and giggles, I’m taking a project with me. Probably a hat as it’s the least tedious to transport and easiest to throw in my backpack. Hopefully, my needles won’t get confiscated. 144 stitches is a lot of work to put onto needles right.

My mind keeps coming back to that fear. I’m going to keep repeating the litany to myself to calm down.

Tonight, I’m going to work on projects. I’m hoping my hands stop shaking long enough for me to properly crochet. Maybe some music will help.

*sigh* This Agoraphobia sucks.

Some good news: I put Disqus commenting on my Tumblr. I wish that would allow Disqus commenting on their site. I love being able to continue discussions long after a story or event is over with. I also like keeping track of my comments.

Well, I’d better get to crocheting. Later.


8 thoughts on “Now I’m Terrified…

  1. You can carry knitting needles on a plane now, so they shouldn’t be a problem 🙂 Slow deep breaths. And maybe also bring a paperback that you know will draw you in. You can do it!

    Is this the shrink appointment? Make sure you have the stuff you want to talk about written down. Panic makes it harder to remember. If it’s written down, you don’t have to worry.

    HUGS! And lots of love!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hope not but this is UMD security I’d be dealing with. They may be shitty but they’re my workhorse circulars for hats.

      I really can’t focus on reading when I’m nervous. I have to be doing something with my hands, hence the knitting. Thanks for the suggestion though.

      No, this is a research study appointment. It’s a TMJD pain study and I’m one of the controls. It’s basically going to be three hours of testing and questions. If I could get down there, I would love to do the NIH in Bethesda. The Maternal Parental has said “Absolutely not” to accompanying me there. LOL

      Maybe one day soon, I can go again.

      *hugs back* Love you too!


    • It’s very cool there. I volunteered at the NIH for three years before I got too headcase-y to get down there. The WMATA stop at the NIH is Medical Center Stop. The Naval Hospital is nice too. Especially all those hot Naval officers and enlisted personnel. 🙂


    • Doing okay. All I really need to do is make sure the cats don’t starve. And to make sure I get liquids into me, and take my meds. It’s supposed to be fairly warm here tomorrow (about 73Ëš), so I’m going to try to use the fix-a-flat I bought last week on my golf cart tire. Then I can do a small store run for canned cat food and nukeable food. Maybe some juice, too.


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