Beyond Here Lies Nothing…

Hello, I’m KaliTime Camaralzman and I’m Agoraphobic. I was going to do a video about this but…blergh. It’s just too bloody depressing. With Agoraphobia, you tend to take baby steps in progress, hold your ground or freefall in regression as far as the condition goes. Normally, I tend towards progression but today…and tomorrow, I took a somersaulting fall backward.

I had two appointments scheduled for this week and a third appointment I was going to accompany the Maternal Parental on. The appointment with the Maternal Parental had to be skipped owing to my receiving an important package the same day. Not too upsetting.

Today though…*sigh*

I was supposed to go out to Hunt Valley for a research study appointment but couldn’t make it owing to the massive pit of terror that opened up like a black hole in my belly. So I tried the breathing exercises and other Mindfulness techniques I’d been taught in the hopes that I could salvage the appointment and still make it. No such luck. I got all vomity and quaking about ten minutes into it and knew I couldn’t have made it out to Hunt Valley in time for the appointment given my condition.

That left the increasingly unlikely appointment the next day. That appointment was even further away, just outside of Bethesda, Maryland with multiple transfers and loads of those people things milling about the place with their lack of respect for personal space and their boisterous attitudes so early in the morning. The more I thought about it, the more ill I became until I found myself calling ahead to the contact person for the meeting to explain that I couldn’t make it tomorrow.

For the first appointment, I’m eligible to go back out as soon as I qualify for another study. For the second appointment, we’re trying to schedule something sometime in the near future.

All I can say is that I’m really not liking this illness right now. I mean, we normally have our differences but I was just separated from a sizable sum of money today which could have fed my pet bank accounts much needed cashy money.

Ah well, it can’t be helped.

Now that the rest of my month is free, I can focus on these commissions that I’m not likely to be paid for. *dark look*

You know, if I find myself not getting paid this time, I’m selling the pink stuff and keeping the rest for myself.

Thankfully, I have a few projects to look forward to rather than run away from. All the stuff I’m making for my friends including the most recent request that I’m doing for free. A little Hobbes doll! I’m overjoyed to be making that one. It makes the paid work seem less daunting knowing I have that and other cool projects waiting in the wings for my friends that aren’t unappreciated.

Tonight’s agenda is Doctor Who. I’m planning on watching Series Eight all by myself once and for all. I’m up to the episode everyone talked about, Kill The Moon. After that, I think I’ll dust off series one of True Blood and have it in the background while I knit. Nothing says knitting mood like bloody gore and gratuitous violence.

One good thing about my day: I managed to get Series 200 of Knitting Daily at a fraction of the price it normally sells for. I’m hoping to get more deals like that.

Now, to Doctor Who I go. Later!

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2 thoughts on “Beyond Here Lies Nothing…

  1. Please please pleeeeeeze make sure you post a pic of Hobbes when you do it.

    And while you may not be able to get to NIH and Hunt Valley right now (hey, those are both a pain in the ass from Baltimore, anyway); make sure you keep getting out for local stuff.

    Try to get out daily, even if it’s just to the corner and back. Backsliding is just too easy and comfortable if you don’t keep trying. I know.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Never fear. I always take pictures of the projects I work on unless I’m rushed.

      Oh, I’m getting to the NIH. You and I both know how much they pay, even with the Sequestration still on. I’ll be sure to get out for local stuff. The Market, the convenience store, etc. I don’t have any money right now, no thanks to the Agoraphobia, so it’s pretty much going to be me standing out in a field for the next two weeks.

      Backsliding is too easy to fall into. I know too. 😦

      Like

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