I was downstairs with The Maternal Parental arguing about the watching of movies when something large flickered across the carpet and under the television stand. From it’s movements, I knew it to be one of the foul creatures that serve the Dark Lord but didn’t know how to get it from under the stand to slay the beast.
The Maternal Parental laughingly suggested that it might be a cricket.
As if Jiminy ever came in such a size and with such a movement? I knew the great evil for what it was. I sought, against all my fear, to slay the beast for the good of the Shire but it slinked away into the coat closet before I could get to it. Now, every shadow is pregnant with its memory and every sound an echo of its footfalls. I am haunted and hunted by its very presence in these hallowed halls.
I beseech you, my noble friends, come to the aid of this house in our hour of need as we are besieged by this terror.
Did I mention the second flitting shadow even larger than the first that scuttled through the kitchen? I am hoping against reason that was a simple mouse. Yet, in my steady gaze upon the other foul creature, I cannot be sure it was what I hope for it to be.
The minions of the Dark Lord grow bold in their reconnoiter of the domains of myself and the Maternal Parental.
Translation: Honking BIG SPIDERS in MY HOUSE. HALP!!!