Facing Fears – Trying On A Different Hat

I have two things I’m reticent to face. Dating and self improvement. As an agoraphobic with a host of other issues, it has been difficult to do more than basic things to put me on the road to where I’d ideally like to be.

So, I’m going to face my fears. I have been approached by someone who is way beyond my capacity to imagine as a potential partner. Yet, they genuinely appear to be interested and, unlike normal, don’t seem to want to attempt taking advantage of myself or my situation.. Instead of running away from it, I’m going to run cautiously toward this and see what happens.

 

With regard to my own social and academic self-improvement, that’s a bit more problematic but the very least I can do is take the first steps towards clearing the way for me to further myself in this goal. As I examine the possible consequences of any action I take, I realize that what really is stopping me is fear. Fear of failure and of getting even worse in my conditions as a result of my own actions and in both instances that fear is prevalent and justified. In my particular case, a fear of destabilizing the calm and order I’ve managed to maintain for so long is also present and causes a blockage when I think on plans of the future. I want to move beyond this into a more productive and fertile phase. It’s quite a catch-22 to deal with. Yet, without risk, I won’t have the rewards I desire.

Plus, I have my own past history to consider. I slowly, with a little help from my friend, a Home Health Aid, and a lot of writing, worked myself out of being housebound agoraphobic after three years of isolation. That’s something to be proud of.

 

Until the next time, have a safe and fantastic journey around the Sun. Take care, my friends. Rolling on the floor laughingRed heartRainbow

2 thoughts on “Facing Fears – Trying On A Different Hat

  1. Even if there is a bit of destabilization, it’s usually worth it.

    About 2 weeks ago, I got back from a trip to Back Bumfuck, New Hampshire. Flights were late, connections were missed, spent on night in Logan airport in Boston, and the next night at the bus station in Jacksonville, Florida. I got to see my sister and my Mom, my brother and his girlfriend, and both their houses. I got home and slept for most of the next couple days (because sleeping in airports and bus station isn’t very restful), but I vote the trip totally worth it. Small steps. Something to occupy my hands and mind when things screwed up. Asking for help when I needed it, even from a stranger.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sistercrow, that is so awesome! I’m so happy for you! What did you use as a distraction to occupy your hands? I used to knit/crochet but it draws too much attention from well-meaning curious people around here.

      Wow, what’s New Hampshire like? I’ve always wanted to see it but never had an opportunity to go. It looks so beautiful in the pictures.

      You’re totally right. Everything I wrote about is worth some destabilization. The people I’m hoping to get involved with, the education I hope to obtain, and the career I hope to maintain.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.