Beyond Here Lies Nothing…

Hello, I’m KaliTime Camaralzman and I’m Agoraphobic. I was going to do a video about this but…blergh. It’s just too bloody depressing. With Agoraphobia, you tend to take baby steps in progress, hold your ground or freefall in regression as far as the condition goes. Normally, I tend towards progression but today…and tomorrow, I took a somersaulting fall backward.

I had two appointments scheduled for this week and a third appointment I was going to accompany the Maternal Parental on. The appointment with the Maternal Parental had to be skipped owing to my receiving an important package the same day. Not too upsetting.

Today though…*sigh*

I was supposed to go out to Hunt Valley for a research study appointment but couldn’t make it owing to the massive pit of terror that opened up like a black hole in my belly. So I tried the breathing exercises and other Mindfulness techniques I’d been taught in the hopes that I could salvage the appointment and still make it. No such luck. I got all vomity and quaking about ten minutes into it and knew I couldn’t have made it out to Hunt Valley in time for the appointment given my condition.

That left the increasingly unlikely appointment the next day. That appointment was even further away, just outside of Bethesda, Maryland with multiple transfers and loads of those people things milling about the place with their lack of respect for personal space and their boisterous attitudes so early in the morning. The more I thought about it, the more ill I became until I found myself calling ahead to the contact person for the meeting to explain that I couldn’t make it tomorrow.

For the first appointment, I’m eligible to go back out as soon as I qualify for another study. For the second appointment, we’re trying to schedule something sometime in the near future.

All I can say is that I’m really not liking this illness right now. I mean, we normally have our differences but I was just separated from a sizable sum of money today which could have fed my pet bank accounts much needed cashy money.

Ah well, it can’t be helped.

Now that the rest of my month is free, I can focus on these commissions that I’m not likely to be paid for. *dark look*

You know, if I find myself not getting paid this time, I’m selling the pink stuff and keeping the rest for myself.

Thankfully, I have a few projects to look forward to rather than run away from. All the stuff I’m making for my friends including the most recent request that I’m doing for free. A little Hobbes doll! I’m overjoyed to be making that one. It makes the paid work seem less daunting knowing I have that and other cool projects waiting in the wings for my friends that aren’t unappreciated.

Tonight’s agenda is Doctor Who. I’m planning on watching Series Eight all by myself once and for all. I’m up to the episode everyone talked about, Kill The Moon. After that, I think I’ll dust off series one of True Blood and have it in the background while I knit. Nothing says knitting mood like bloody gore and gratuitous violence.

One good thing about my day: I managed to get Series 200 of Knitting Daily at a fraction of the price it normally sells for. I’m hoping to get more deals like that.

Now, to Doctor Who I go. Later!

On Hats, Projects and Hectic Scheduling

I’ve got two upcoming appointments I’m going to by myself and an additional appointment I’m accompanying the Maternal Parental to. Apparently, I’m back to the numb feeling at the present. I suppose that’s good. It’s better than puking my guts out in nervousness.

I’m on schedule for my projects at least. I’m currently in the middle of Hut von Mike die Schlafmütze with a projected completion date of Wednesday or sooner. Given that I’m not taking The Little Boy Blue Blanket with me to work on due to its size, I’m going to start Blodeuwedd The Hat (my own hat) to take with me to my appointments. It’ll be something for me to work on rather than focusing on my nervously churning stomach or palpitating heart.

Well, it’s either Blodeuwedd The Hat or another pair of socks. Though, either would make a welcome change to working with black yarn in a dark room. I must admit, I’ve mostly been knitting by feel on these projects. I must be getting old indeed to have this problem considering I used to knit in the dark, with black yarn, using only the light of the television to aid me. I’m so over that now. I could do with an Ott-lite.

If I should get paid for the Blanket and other commissioned items, It’s going directly into my anemic Savings account. It’s almost 2015 and I’m doing the 52 Week Savings Challenge…backwards. Instead of saving one dollar the first week and then two the second, I’m saving $52 the first week, $51 the second week and so forth for the rest of the year. I’m trying to stay positive about this but, between the Maternal Parental and my own greed for yarn and books, it’s unlikely I’ll save anything. Still, I’m going to try. Anything going into my Savings account is not coming out except in extreme emergency situations.

Given that I’ve gotten it down to the princely sum of $1.20, I can’t exactly complain about any savings. Now can I? 🙂

The very last book I am buying for the foreseeable future is going to be a book on socks. It’s called Think Outside the Sox: 60+ Winning Designs from the Knitter’s Magazine Contest by Elaine Rowley. I was blown away by some of the featured designs I saw on Ravelry the other day. The last DVD outside of Doctor Who (because of course, I’m getting that) I’m going to get will probably be The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, which includes the hottie. You’ll just have to ask who I consider hot in those movies. :p

I am really slimming down on my purchases over the next two years. No yarn, as I am giving up on commissions due to the lack of payment and respect from so-called paying customers. No books and no DVDs outside of Doctor Who. Lest you all start panicking, I am still making things for my friends, gratis, as I have promised to. In fact, not jumping to these unpalatable commissions will probably increase my productivity for the things I like doing. Let it be known, my friend’s list is select.

Woe to those of you out there who don’t appreciate hand knitted and crocheted items enough to pay reasonable prices, in a timely manner. The thing I still can’t figure out is, why do you order things if you’re not willing to pay for them? Do you think love alone pays the bills of knitters, crocheters, weavers, etc? Yes, we love our craft but the people we owe money to in this our consumerist society don’t want to hear that we only have yarn to pay them when the rent’s due or when the electricity’s about to be cut off. Do you tell your creditors that you only have smiles to pay them in? Would you work for nothing to make something for a super cheap ingrate not willing to pony up for your hard work? No? Really?! Interesting.

Sorry, people. Rant mode off.

Tonight’s agenda is Doctor Who Series Eight and working on this hat. Though, to be honest, working on this hat might prove difficult if I’m glued to Doctor Who. 🙂

Later!

I Live…

I took my first trip into the city by myself since becoming agoraphobic. Obviously, I’m writing this, so I survived. Yay!

It wasn’t as bad as my mind built it up to being. I was in a really busy area of downtown Baltimore city, surrounded by those people things, and I didn’t freak out at all. I made it to my appointment early and fulfilled my planned tasks admirably. As proven on my Instagram, I even rode the transit system all by myself.

I neglected to bring a project with me today though. Thankfully, I had my phone with its plethora of mental distractions. I learned languages and listened to music mostly during my sojourn. That was fun.

Next on my agenda is repotting some plants that desperately need repotting, continue in the knitting and crocheting saga that I have entangled myself in, clean up the disaster area also known as my room, vacuum and shampoo the carpet throughout the whole house, do the shopping for food and other sundries and ship off that which I have made already for others.

Now, for proof of my insanity: Clearly, I have lost my mind for even looking at this page when I have so many other things to do on my lists.

Speaking of insanity, I’m going to get more yarn from Knit Picks. It’s a vicious cycle, this yarn addiction is. You buy a bit and think that’s all you’ll get and before you know what’s hit you, you’re drawn in by its silky texture and cozy warmth. Then, you buy more and think you’ve got control, but you don’t. Not really. That’s when the hook is in. Oh yeah. That’s when they’ve got you. You try to shake it off and go cold turkey, then they go and offer you a $5 off promo code. So, now you’re going to spend the money you should be saving to go to the dentist on yarn. It’s a tragedy… o_O

I also ordered some reusable pie pans. I plan on making various pies with them. Right now, I’ve got a plan for turkey pot pie for the foreseeable future. I have vegetables for one, I just have to get vegetables for the second one. Mmmm, Okra… 🙂

I also ordered:

The Times of Harvey Milk (Hulu+ link)
The Princess Bride (for 1.99USD)
Spaceballs (also for 1.99USD)
Doctor Who – Series Eight (definitely NOT for 1.99USD)

I had ordered Guardians of the Galaxy but had to cancel it owing to my wanting to get the Maternal Parental something nice.

Regarding my post yesterday: So far, I haven’t gotten any of the negative responses or unfriendings I feared I’d get. Everyone has been loving and awesome. I love you all. You’re so cool. 🙂

I Like Volunteering, Consuming Knowledge, and Crafting

I come alive in those places and using those skills in ways I never have at jobs I’ve worked. The Library, the places I volunteer at for research purposes, and the places I volunteer at to help out are like second homes to me. Heck, I run to [and not away from] the needle when they need samples.

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that.”
– Harold Thurman Whitman

TEP – Day Three

Why some of my entries take forever to show up on my Suprglu is anyone’s guess. I really love the service and between the limitation of feed inclusion and the non-working syndication feed for the page, I’m tempted to look elsewhere. As it is, I’m working around the limitation on feeds by adding them to my 43things so they’ll all come through via the 43people feed.

Even so, it was nice to have one syndicated feed to put into sites, like Ravelry, where a feed was asked for. That way, everything reflective of me could be shown rather than one blog or account.

Anyway, here’s my daily TEP Progress Report. Right now, I’ve got ‘something’ making me ill and I’m not even remotely hungry. Very VERY thirsty but not hungry. It’s probably just the flu or something. It’s been going around in this area. So, I didn’t make it for my Inpatient stay today at the NIH. I’m going to have to reschedule that. *sigh*

Now for tea, possibly knitting, and much in the resting department.

Food Units
wondering if a flaming raging rant counts as a caloric burn. also sick with a fever, probably flu. 32 oz cup of tea with sugar 2
Total: 2

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

TEP – Day Two

So far so good. I even got a Bethesda day coming up.

Food Units
three slices of delivery pizza ’cause i’m getting rid of it, 32oz of tea w/a tbsp of sugar, 12 peanuts, and medication 12
Total: 12

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.