I have two things I’m reticent to face. Dating and self improvement. As an agoraphobic with a host of other issues, it has been difficult to do more than basic things to put me on the road to where I’d ideally like to be.
So, I’m going to face my fears. I have been approached by someone who is way beyond my capacity to imagine as a potential partner. Yet, they genuinely appear to be interested and, unlike normal, don’t seem to want to attempt taking advantage of myself or my situation.. Instead of running away from it, I’m going to run cautiously toward this and see what happens.
With regard to my own social and academic self-improvement, that’s a bit more problematic but the very least I can do is take the first steps towards clearing the way for me to further myself in this goal. As I examine the possible consequences of any action I take, I realize that what really is stopping me is fear. Fear of failure and of getting even worse in my conditions as a result of my own actions and in both instances that fear is prevalent and justified. In my particular case, a fear of destabilizing the calm and order I’ve managed to maintain for so long is also present and causes a blockage when I think on plans of the future. I want to move beyond this into a more productive and fertile phase. It’s quite a catch-22 to deal with. Yet, without risk, I won’t have the rewards I desire.
Plus, I have my own past history to consider. I slowly, with a little help from my friend, a Home Health Aid, and a lot of writing, worked myself out of being housebound agoraphobic after three years of isolation. That’s something to be proud of.
Until the next time, have a safe and fantastic journey around the Sun. Take care, my friends.