This Me Time Thing

It has been eight days since the beginning of the year and twelve days since the idea of not buying anything entered into my mind as a primary challenge for the year. Thus far, I am in keeping with the no-buy challenge. I haven’t gotten anything unnecessary to the functioning of this household. That’s a win.

 

However, my secondary challenge for this year is to take more Me Time in order to piece myself back together from the mental shredding I’ve been going through over the past several years. This is proving more difficult. I appear to be incapable of putting aside time for myself in a way that is necessary to aid in my healing. I appear to be struggling to fulfill my own needs as far as relaxation is concerned.

 

I honestly don’t know how I got like this. I’m taking steps to combat it though. If I hadn’t intervened and made myself take a break, I don’t know where I might have ended up.

 

Speaking of restful things. I’m going to go do some reading. I’m currently reading a book I haven’t picked up in twenty-odd years. The Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks. My plan is to slowly read the first eight books in the Shannara ‘verse as that’s what I have. After that, I might knit some.

 

One mistake that I’m still making is that I am primarily knitting for others rather than myself. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that, without pay, as much anymore for the foreseeable future but, here I am, with a cardigan cast on for The Maternal Parental while I still have yet to knit myself a new hat when I’m long overdue for one and I only just completed weaving in the ends on the gloves I ‘finished’ for myself in November 2018. I need to put a stop to this nonsense. Don’t get me wrong, it is a lovely cardigan pattern.

 

I’m still not able to figure out why I’m in such a dire need to do for others when I haven’t and won’t do for myself. That’s something else I really must get to the bottom of. In the meantime, I think I’ll be a prime example of Start-itis and cast on for my hat if only to reclaim my time. In case you’re wondering, The Brioche Galaxy Hat is the pattern I’m determined to make for myself. I do find myself wondering if other craft loving people do the same self-sacrificing things?

 

Thanks for reading. Have a fantastic day.

Dropping Knowledge…

…though not really. Just more rambling. Feel free to skip.

 

Hi there, I’m the silly person who wants to learn ten languages simultaneously. I say ten, rather than eleven because I am dropping Irish for now to focus on the others. So the list now goes as:

  • German – Primary
  • Spanish – Secondary
  • French – Secondary
  • Norwegian
  • Swedish
  • Hawaiian
  • Danish
  • Korean
  • Mandarin Chinese
  • ASL – Alphabet

This way, my brain doesn’t get quite so frustrated when switching between language families. It is early days in seeing whether this will actually help or hinder my acquisitions. I did quite a bit more on Duolingo than normal and made it through all of the spoken languages this morning. It is fascinating how the brain can compartmentalize things in such a way as to keep everything sorted linguistically. It is trying at times but I wouldn’t give it up any time soon. I’m looking forward to midnight and my next lessons.

 

In the realm of knitting, I finished the sweater for the Maternal Parental. This is the third sweater I’ve knitted thus far. I made modifications to the pattern used. Nothing drastic. Just fulfilling some requests from the Maternal Parental. She wanted the sleeves to be 3/4 length and she didn’t want the Garter panels on the arms. It fits her perfectly. I finished knitting this sweater on 3rd of November 2019 and I am very happy with how this project turned out. 

 

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My Works in Progress are as follows:

 

Socks for my friend Todd…aka Stephen and Steven – The Socks. This is to go with the hat and gloves I made him. Those are called Sir Cacklehopper and Lord Beningloopus – The Gloves and Bob – The Hat.

2019-10-20 23.00.26

 

Also an impossible number of Hobbes dolls mostly in orange with a minority in gray. I have a lot of friends who are kids at heart or who have kids in their lives and they all want this doll. 

 

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This is all that I’m working on right now. You have no idea how blissfully peaceful it is to only work on two projects. It isn’t that I don’t love knitting and crocheting. I love both. However, I tend to overload myself with projects until I’m beyond stressed out. This isn’t a good thing and I’m making a concerted effort to curb this behavior in myself. I say this even as I add to my recently trimmed queue on Ravelry.

 

There are so many things I want to learn and so many other things I’d be happy if I never saw again. In my Rav queue I can at least get rid of my pattern page notes that are no longer needed. My tastes have really changed over the past few years. Just a few months ago even, I never would have seen myself even attempting Brioche. Yet, here I am with a bunch of Two-color Brioche hat and scarf patterns in my queue, waiting to be knitted up.

 

My future projects will be:

 

    • A hat for my friend Jeff
    • Gloves for my friend Jeff
    • A hat for the Maternal Parental
    • A hat for me
    • Socks for the Maternal Parental
    • A hat for the Maternal Parental’s nurse
    • A ton of socks for me
    • Villimarjatar for me

None of this will occur until I finish all present projects. I’m not buying any new yarn and will only be knitting/crocheting/weaving from available stash. In the case of the Maternal Parental’s hat, I am making it from the Lion Brand Fisherman’s Wool yarn we hand dyed months ago.

 

In the realm of my life, nothing of consequence has been happening with me. I help the Maternal Parental get to and from her appointments and I get to and from my own appointments. It is a lot of appointments, most of which Knitting and/or Crocheting can be brought along in my bag and come in handy for those long agonizing wait times. Zzzzzz…. even I fell asleep on re-reading this part. It is true though. No grand passions or anything. Just normal life. I did get a Doctor Who calendar. That marks a change from the Periodic Table of the Elements and Knit Picks calendars I normally get. That’s as exciting as it gets around here. Woo hoo.

 

I am now going to wait for midnight to roll around so I can complete another set of Duolingo lessons. Have a fantastic day.

 

Rolling on the floor laughingRed heartRainbow

Knowledge Acquisition

Okay, I haven’t talked about my linguistic acquisitions (or anything) in quite some time. Things are going….okay….I suppose. I am presently working on learning eleven languages on and off. This is down from twelve, where I eliminated one and replaced another. In both cases, I wasn’t effectively gelling with the languages and felt that my time could be better spent focusing on a different language where I had both an affinity and some familiarity due to loanwords and linguistic familial relation. The languages I’m currently focused on via Duolingo, dictionaries, and books on tape are:

1. German – Primary focus language.
2. Spanish – Secondary focus language.
3. French – Secondary focus language.
4. Mandarin Chinese
5. Korean
6. Hawaiian
7. Norwegian
8. Danish – Newest acquisition.
9. Irish
10. Swedish
11. ASL – Currently only alphabet studies.

The ones that were, at one point, the Lingua Franca or that have a lot of societal influence are a bit less stressful to learn. It doesn’t mean that they’re “easy”, rather just less stressful due to loanwords. To be honest, German is making my brain fuse neurons right now on Duolingo. I can’t get out of English sentence structure when thinking. Though I did scare myself on a few sleepy occasions when I managed to make it through my Duolingo practice with few errors. I still don’t know how I did those as I could barely see the tablet.

With the newest language, Danish, most of it is knitting related words I’m learning from the television show Den Store Strikkedyst. I am hoping that listening to this will translate into some level of understanding. At any rate, I can’t go wrong learning the language of a knitting culture. It opens up my world of patterns, that’s for sure.

I dropped one language and switched another to pick up Danish. The one I switched was Swahili and the one I dropped was Hindi. In both instances, I was going nowhere fast with my acquisition rate. Hindi was focused on learning the alphabet and I wasn’t retaining Swahili. Perhaps I’ll come back to these languages in the future. I did find both very interesting.

I’ve been so focused on languages that nearly everything else in my educational schedule has fallen by the wayside. I haven’t done much more than rudimentary mathematics for budgeting and household management. Science has been relegated to watching videos on YouTube. This is the first thing I’ve written out that wasn’t directly language related. Recently, I just haven’t had the time for much due to doctor’s appointments and helping the Maternal Parental.

I am planning to renegotiate my schedule to incorporate more learning. My good friend and I are going to teach ourselves Python and according to them, Python is heavily Monty Python referencing. That’s a boon for me as I’m a pretty big fan, thanks to PBS. I haven’t seen every singular thing of theirs though. All the more reason to visit my local library.

I also have the often moved appointments with learning more about Rigid Heddle Loom Weaving and about various applications to contend with. My problem is, with so many doctor’s appointments, I never have the time to focus on anything I can’t carry with me. Languages are less difficult because I can carry my phone which has Duolingo on it. The Rigid Heddle Loom strapped across my back would be a bit more problematic. So would learning all the applications inner workings. It is a lot of reading and video watching as well as computer time. Even if I focused on the reading and videos, it would burn my battery in my phone before I could get even a tenth of it done.

So, I’m determined to set aside a significant block of home time for all of this. This home time may put a kink in my plans to be more sociable. I’m currently telling everyone to talk with me in late October.

Also on the horizon is NaNoWriMo 2019. I have yet to come up with anything. Not a story, not an outline, not so much as a glimmer of an idea has surfaced regarding my writing. I think I’m just too burned out from everything else. I am also still knitting the sweater for the Maternal Parental. I’m hoping to finish it before November but it isn’t looking good. This sweater will be a year long project on 20 October 2019. I really want to finish it before that date.

I’m currently exhausted but I’m going to focus on knitting and languages over the next few days during my free time. The clock is ticking.

 

Life Goals – Trauma Mitigation

I am making an effort to be present in the moment and to be more positive…again.

 

No, seriously.

 

To be honest, I don’t even know where to begin with this effort. I am so thoroughly morose and robotic a personality that, until this morning, I didn’t see a way out of it. I was looking at an Instagram and got the inspiration to do this. This path isn’t even remotely me. However, I would like to challenge myself to become a different version of myself. I tend to keep people at arm’s length at the best of times due to past traumatic events. My reasoning was always that they can’t hurt you if you don’t let them in. Yet, I know, that this line of thinking has ultimately led to my own isolation. Not that I mind it. It’s just that, in order to function in society, one needs to actually be…in society. *shudders*

 

Who knows if this will even be possible? Sometimes, I think I’ve been cut off for so long that no one will accept my efforts at becoming more gregarious. Gregarious at all even. Yet, I have to make the effort. Between the Agoraphobia/Anxiety and the trauma, I don’t have many friends outside of the Internet. Even those friends, I only see sparingly.

 

So, my plan to become more gregarious is to restart my woefully neglected gratitude journal. I tend to lean towards Catastrophizing in thinking about things and I think writing about the things I’m grateful for with give me some perspective. As ‘No’ is my favorite word, I don’t think I need to learn boundaries at this point but rather, I should learn to renegotiate the chasmically wide boundaries I’ve set for myself and occasionally let others into my world.

 

I also resolve to take walks outside and…say hello to people. Perhaps not all will be suitable for friendship but some might be. I’ve got to give them a chance. If I get trouble again, I’ll ignore it if it is verbal and walk away or defend myself if it is physical. I will also make it my mission to go to the Library on a regular basis again. They’ve got books, events, classes, and other media that I find interesting.

 

I’m not going to wait until some imagined future date when my body is healed this time either. I get the feeling that time is never coming. I’m starting this whole thing today.

 

Thanks for reading. Have a fantastic day.

 

Rolling on the floor laughingRed heartRainbow

This Isn’t Amusing Anymore…

When I first was diagnosed with this tendon injury, I thought it was amusing in a certain light. Basically, I got de Quervain’s Tenosynovitis from knitting too much. I thought it would be gone within a few days to a week, like my Primary Care Physician said it might even if I did have to rest it a full month. I was eagerly anticipating going back to crafting and getting all the projects done in my active queue as well as my project queue. Apparently, this isn’t the way it is going to occur. My thumb is blazing and shooting tendrils of pain up my wrist and into my forearm. This is interfering in my life now. Not cool.

 

I managed to crochet something without putting pressure or stress on my left hand and now my right hand is starting up. *sigh*

 

At this point, all I can do is type and weave. I’m not sure about sewing. I’m going to give it an effort though. I need to be doing something creative to keep me sane. I was hoping to bust a small sweater out for NaKniSweMo but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. So, I am learning more on the ins and outs of my Rigid Heddle Loom and my Sewing machine. I am also learning as much as I can about Weaving and Sewing. I saw a cool tutorial on a Mennonite YouTube channel for how to make a simple dress. Normally, dresses are offensive to me but this particular pattern looked cool.

 

I am also gearing up for NaNoWriMo. I’m completely clueless as to what I’m going to write about this year. However, I am not going to do it by the seat of my pants as I have done in previous years. All I ever do when I pants it is write myself into corners and loops. This year, I’d like to finish a coherent story without getting stuck and dropping everything once I get past fifty-thousand words.

 

Something’s got to pop up in my head eventually. I hope…

 

I should really go to bed now. Either that, or read.

 

Good night, World. Take care.

 

Rolling on the floor laughingRed heartRainbow