Bread Baking Bonanza

I have discovered that I have just enough yeast to bake some bread. It’s SO going to happen today.

 

My last two loaves weren’t my best baking. Owing to my own laziness in greasing the pans while depending on the Maternal Parental to do the aforementioned, the bread rose a little too long in the first rising and lost all the fizzy goodness for the second rising. Alas, my bread was doughy.

 

This time around, I’m going to time it to exact measurements with the hope that I can make this small amount of yeast last.

 

Not much is happening today beyond that. I am getting ready to knit the gloves, watching New Scandinavian Cooking and adding my blogs to this new (for me) remote poster.

 

As to this poster, I’m getting used to it. It’s weird seeing my blog colors as a part of the posting template but, other than that, Windows Live Writer is very intuitive and not at all difficult to work with. LOL, I like things difficult though. It even allows me to set categories and tags in the post, as well as make new ones. That’s worth a lot, not having to log into the site to do so.

 

So, I am finally going to follow my fitness schedule tonight. I lost some weight and I’ve got a motivation to lose more. I’m not just going to dance tonight, I’m going for the full 90-120 minute workout. I’m hoping that, within six weeks, there will be a noticeable difference in my weight and overall muscle tone. Ugh, I’m really not looking forward to this but…it must be done.

 

I also cancelled the appointment with Bethesda. The Maternal Parental has been majorly freaking out about the possibility of something “tragic and devastating” happening on my planned trip. She’s older and delicate now. I don’t want to worry her unnecessarily.

 

One thing I have to look forward to are my Protégés. One, I don’t have direct contact with but the other I do. I’ve gotten both crochet hook sets and, in the case of my geographically closer student, I’ve gotten a full bag of knitting implements including yarn enough to practice with, knitting needles crochet thread and steel crochet hooks. One protégé is 29 and the other is barely 13 with a rambunctious younger brother tearing through her possessions. You can guess who got what.

 

If only Padawan would come and get his stuff…

 

I am also teaching myself to write patterns. If I can ever get YouTube to load properly, I found a few promising videos as well as promising blog posts and information on professional pattern designer’s websites for me to peruse. I’m hoping to learn within a month’s timeframe. The best laid plans of Mice…

 

That’s all, folks. I’m going to go start the gloves now. Later. SmileDevil

Beyond Here Lies Nothing…

Hello, I’m KaliTime Camaralzman and I’m Agoraphobic. I was going to do a video about this but…blergh. It’s just too bloody depressing. With Agoraphobia, you tend to take baby steps in progress, hold your ground or freefall in regression as far as the condition goes. Normally, I tend towards progression but today…and tomorrow, I took a somersaulting fall backward.

I had two appointments scheduled for this week and a third appointment I was going to accompany the Maternal Parental on. The appointment with the Maternal Parental had to be skipped owing to my receiving an important package the same day. Not too upsetting.

Today though…*sigh*

I was supposed to go out to Hunt Valley for a research study appointment but couldn’t make it owing to the massive pit of terror that opened up like a black hole in my belly. So I tried the breathing exercises and other Mindfulness techniques I’d been taught in the hopes that I could salvage the appointment and still make it. No such luck. I got all vomity and quaking about ten minutes into it and knew I couldn’t have made it out to Hunt Valley in time for the appointment given my condition.

That left the increasingly unlikely appointment the next day. That appointment was even further away, just outside of Bethesda, Maryland with multiple transfers and loads of those people things milling about the place with their lack of respect for personal space and their boisterous attitudes so early in the morning. The more I thought about it, the more ill I became until I found myself calling ahead to the contact person for the meeting to explain that I couldn’t make it tomorrow.

For the first appointment, I’m eligible to go back out as soon as I qualify for another study. For the second appointment, we’re trying to schedule something sometime in the near future.

All I can say is that I’m really not liking this illness right now. I mean, we normally have our differences but I was just separated from a sizable sum of money today which could have fed my pet bank accounts much needed cashy money.

Ah well, it can’t be helped.

Now that the rest of my month is free, I can focus on these commissions that I’m not likely to be paid for. *dark look*

You know, if I find myself not getting paid this time, I’m selling the pink stuff and keeping the rest for myself.

Thankfully, I have a few projects to look forward to rather than run away from. All the stuff I’m making for my friends including the most recent request that I’m doing for free. A little Hobbes doll! I’m overjoyed to be making that one. It makes the paid work seem less daunting knowing I have that and other cool projects waiting in the wings for my friends that aren’t unappreciated.

Tonight’s agenda is Doctor Who. I’m planning on watching Series Eight all by myself once and for all. I’m up to the episode everyone talked about, Kill The Moon. After that, I think I’ll dust off series one of True Blood and have it in the background while I knit. Nothing says knitting mood like bloody gore and gratuitous violence.

One good thing about my day: I managed to get Series 200 of Knitting Daily at a fraction of the price it normally sells for. I’m hoping to get more deals like that.

Now, to Doctor Who I go. Later!

I Live…

I took my first trip into the city by myself since becoming agoraphobic. Obviously, I’m writing this, so I survived. Yay!

It wasn’t as bad as my mind built it up to being. I was in a really busy area of downtown Baltimore city, surrounded by those people things, and I didn’t freak out at all. I made it to my appointment early and fulfilled my planned tasks admirably. As proven on my Instagram, I even rode the transit system all by myself.

I neglected to bring a project with me today though. Thankfully, I had my phone with its plethora of mental distractions. I learned languages and listened to music mostly during my sojourn. That was fun.

Next on my agenda is repotting some plants that desperately need repotting, continue in the knitting and crocheting saga that I have entangled myself in, clean up the disaster area also known as my room, vacuum and shampoo the carpet throughout the whole house, do the shopping for food and other sundries and ship off that which I have made already for others.

Now, for proof of my insanity: Clearly, I have lost my mind for even looking at this page when I have so many other things to do on my lists.

Speaking of insanity, I’m going to get more yarn from Knit Picks. It’s a vicious cycle, this yarn addiction is. You buy a bit and think that’s all you’ll get and before you know what’s hit you, you’re drawn in by its silky texture and cozy warmth. Then, you buy more and think you’ve got control, but you don’t. Not really. That’s when the hook is in. Oh yeah. That’s when they’ve got you. You try to shake it off and go cold turkey, then they go and offer you a $5 off promo code. So, now you’re going to spend the money you should be saving to go to the dentist on yarn. It’s a tragedy… o_O

I also ordered some reusable pie pans. I plan on making various pies with them. Right now, I’ve got a plan for turkey pot pie for the foreseeable future. I have vegetables for one, I just have to get vegetables for the second one. Mmmm, Okra… 🙂

I also ordered:

The Times of Harvey Milk (Hulu+ link)
The Princess Bride (for 1.99USD)
Spaceballs (also for 1.99USD)
Doctor Who – Series Eight (definitely NOT for 1.99USD)

I had ordered Guardians of the Galaxy but had to cancel it owing to my wanting to get the Maternal Parental something nice.

Regarding my post yesterday: So far, I haven’t gotten any of the negative responses or unfriendings I feared I’d get. Everyone has been loving and awesome. I love you all. You’re so cool. 🙂

Now I’m Terrified…

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain”.

Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, Dune – 1965

I have an appointment, in Baltimore City, in a few days. I’m going to have to go to it by myself. I’m not feeling very good right now. Not good at all. It’s an appointment I can’t miss or reschedule and it’s been months in the making.

Right now, I can feel a Tsunami of panic trying to get in but I’m just numb. Hopefully, this numb feeling will stay with me through to and beyond the time of my appointment. Oh well, it could be worse. It could be a really far appointment like Bethesda. I’ll get through this. I’ll have to.

Just for shits and giggles, I’m taking a project with me. Probably a hat as it’s the least tedious to transport and easiest to throw in my backpack. Hopefully, my needles won’t get confiscated. 144 stitches is a lot of work to put onto needles right.

My mind keeps coming back to that fear. I’m going to keep repeating the litany to myself to calm down.

Tonight, I’m going to work on projects. I’m hoping my hands stop shaking long enough for me to properly crochet. Maybe some music will help.

*sigh* This Agoraphobia sucks.

Some good news: I put Disqus commenting on my Tumblr. I wish that WordPress.com would allow Disqus commenting on their site. I love being able to continue discussions long after a story or event is over with. I also like keeping track of my comments.

Well, I’d better get to crocheting. Later.

TEP – Daily Health Update Entry Forty Seven

This is the entry for 27 March 2009.

It’s really remarkable how much I’m shrinking. To think that I’ve been carrying around all this extra weight in liquid for all this time. Eeeeek.

I am back to being able to walk up and down the stairs without nearly dying, I can breathe again, and I can walk around without my legs feeling as though they’re about to pop open. Those are nice things.

Still, I’ve got to keep at it. The sooner I get healthy, the sooner I can go back to working on staying that way.

I might even beat the clock and even get back into the GEIO Study while there’s time. Still, health first. I’ve got until late June for the end of the study for me. It’s not even about the money [though that would be nice] but it is about me finishing something I started. I don’t want to leave it as a loose end if I can help it.

Food Units
medication 0
two bowls of cereal, a granola bar, buffalo chicken strips, and tea 26
Total: 26

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

I'm Out For Now

I sent the e-mail to the GEIO Study contacts explaining my current health situation and got an e-mail back from the PI stating that he couldn’t, in good conscience, allow me to participate further at the present time with my health as it is.

I’m sad about that but, in a way, I’m also glad. It’s a clear sign of a responsible medical professional considering the weight of the symptoms I’ve been experiencing to bar me from further participation until my health is cleared.

I’m still wondering about the nature of the weight I’m currently maintaining though.

If it really is as I think it is, then I’ve got a lot of weight that’s going to come off once this whole thing is resolved.

Ah well…*sigh*

Angioedema and Me

I talked with the emergency call doctor at CB and he seems to think that whatever this is going on with me sounds like Angioedema. He also thinks that it may be caused the Lamotrigine [Yay] and that I should go down to 100mg until I can get in to see my regular p-doc.

In the meantime, he suggested I talk with my PCP about getting some diuretics for all this extra fluid I’m carrying around.

Once I got off the phone with him, I threw one at the GEIO Study to see how this might affect my participation. I’m guessing that there’s going to be a problem and, given that, I’m sad about it. Those are really cool people working there and, if I should lose my position, I’m going miss them.

Other than that, my day’s going well. I’m currently planning out a meal table for the week and I’m keeping well hydrated…ironically.

TEP – Daily Health Update Entry Thirty Three

Positive aspects of today.

I got a lot of rest in. I couldn’t really move around much due to the Edema so I managed to catch up on some much needed sleep and just plain downtime. I tend to run myself ragged both in lack of sleep and moving around from place to place. Having taken a break has resulted in a considerable lessening of the pain in my foot. It’s also given my legs a much needed break from the tremndous pressure they’ve been under. Good thing.

I called and left messages for a few studies. I’m hopeful that I’ll get appointments to all by Monday as most are high paying. This BGE bill is going to have to be paid somehow. I’m also hopeful I’ll find more studies. I’ll be searching for more over the weekend and dropping more messages as the telephone is also at risk of falling into shadow without a cash injection. This can be overcome. Keeping my chin up.

Actually, if anyone else is interested in participating in one, ClinicalTrials.gov is the main site I use. I’m partial to the National Institutes of Health myself. I’ve found them to be the safest, most profressional, user friendly Research site and if, by some unlikely chance, something should happen, they’re right across the street from the Naval Hospital. They’re also easily accessible by various transportation choices and staffed by the coolest people on Earth.

As much as I’m in it for the Science, the pay is usually good as well and, at times, was the only thing between myself and starving or going without basic utilities/rent.

Food Units
turkey, cheese, buffalo chicken strips, salsa, tortilla chips, soy milk, raisin bran, and yogurt 25
Total: 25

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

TEP – Daily Health Update Entry Thirty Two

This entry is for 12 March 2009.

I am very tired and I’ve been picking through the bad experiences today for positive experiences.

The edema was ever prevalent but, despite missing my appointment, I think I avoided a lot of pain from bloating due to my having to, ironically, walk around so much. Traveling to Penn Station, I’d missed the MARC Baltimore to DC train by three minutes but I did manage to get a message to my appointment.

Then I traveled down to BWI in the hopes of catching the shuttle bus to Bethesda and, while I missed that too, I did manage to see ‘The Mega Plane‘. I saw a huge parked plane moderately up close. Heck, I could have been two miles off and that thing would still have been huge. Awesome.

When I weighed myself Wednesday night, I was 261lbs. By Thursday morning prior to my leaving home, I was 255lbs. As of a few hours ago, I was 245lbs. I feel that, more than anything, this is proof positive of my issue with fluid retention. Given the recent loss, my hope is that, by Saturday, I’ll be back down to the original 233lbs or lower.

In moving around, I did manage to aggravate the Plantar Fasciitis injury but, thankfully, I was [by that point] at Old Court Metro Station and, despite missing a bus that came out of nowhere, was there at the right time to catch another that came less than twenty minutes later.

There were a variety of other things that happened which were positive things in my day but I don’t want to go on and on.

Now, to this.

Food Units
chicken strips, cheese, turkey, and yogurt 15
traveled from home to Penn station to BWI and back. aggravated my plantar fasciitis injury to the point of tears. -10
Total: 5

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

TEP – Daily Health Update Entry Thirty One

Nice. Really nice.

I am not going to give recognition to the negativity happening with my body after this post. There seems to be no point in doing it.

Right now, I am swollen to the point of pain due to Edema. My legs feel like water balloons and other parts of me feel like they’re not that far behind.

I have what is sure to be my last trip for this study tomorrow for a weigh in. Given that my previous stated weights are accurate, my saying that I’m now close to 260lbs should say something about how much I’m actually swelling up.

Regardless of my weight tomorrow, I am going. I like the trip and enjoy just getting away from ‘Baltimore’ for a while. It’s nice having exposure to a different metropolitan area.

Short of my body requiring immediate medical condition, I am going to Bethesda. Plus, ha ha, if I go and something does happen, I’ll finally get a chance to see the Naval Hospital. *looks down humorously at quickly swelling feet, ankles, and lower legs*

One positive note. I avoided an act of sabotage altogether earlier today. It was more due to this weighty depression over the edema than anything but The Maternal Parental came home teaming with potato chips and Munchos. I just wasn’t interested.

Thats enough bleak. From here on out, more positive.

Food Units
turkey sandwich, cheese, yogurt, raisin bran, grapes. wonders why the edema chose the day before my weigh in to flare up like crazy 18
Total: 18

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

TEP – Daily Health Update Entry Thirty

I feel like crap.

Edema. Sucks.

Food Units
turkey sandwich with cheese, yogurt, pudding, cream cheese, banana, soy milk 16
@checkingmystats it…is…awesome… actually, i might get some first thing tomorrow…
Total: 16

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

TEP – Daily Health Update Entry Twenty Nine

Mold and mold and…anyone with a penicillin allergy avoid me at all costs. Asturian cheesemakers and fromage lovers on the other hand, come on down…

I may have to let the study people know about my predicament. I don’t know anyones health history in the study and I don’t want to inadvertanly trigger their allergies. Goodness knows, my asthma and allergies are trying to rear their ugly heads right now from whatever is having a toga party downstairs.

Oh yeah, I posted stuff about this on my other blog.

Short history – the leak of no source in the downstairs bathroom came back with a vengeance. Only this time, it didn’t stop at that one corner but decided to migrate throughout the kitchen/dining area and all the way to the front door on the other side. Two rooms [including the hall closet], 150sq feet [est] of carpet. Oh yeah. This is on top of previous mold loving flooding incidents that were sucked up.

I love it when contractors see stuff and start freaking out. They worry so much about getting sued, that the job actually gets done. They’re coming back on Wednesday to replace the padding [which was FUBAR], and clean the carpet. In the meantime, I’ve got to clean my rug out and vacuum it before they come so it’ll be dry in time for their re-installation. It was the only thing that protected the coffee table from the flood of water. I’m so glad I put that thing down.

Needless to say, it was quite a workout. And now to the stats.

Food Units
orange juice, turkey sandwich, tomatoes, mustard, cream cheese, and cheese, yogurt, soy milk, mary janes, tootsie rolls, medication 16
race to save the formica…furniture that is. the whole carpet flooded and i alone moved all the stuff to keep it dry. yay. not. -10
Total: 6

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

TEP – Daily Health Update Entry Twenty Eight

Despite not working out an inch today, I somehow managed to lose two pounds before gaining it right back. If not for the recommendation of the Medical Study I’m a part of, I almost wouldn’t look at the scale except once a month. It’s highly discouraging to see a gain even knowing that it’s due to fluid retention.

At least it’s going down some and I can breathe better again. If it had gotten any worse, I would have been typing this from a hospital bed on their [hopefully] Free Wi-Fi. As it stands, I’m heading down to Bethesda this week regardless. My only two hopes are that, by some odd occurance I lose all the fluid weight I’ve gained and, if I don’t and get any more ill while there, I get to go to the Naval Hospital. Ha ha ha.

Life is, after all, full of experiences. The positive is to embrace the good ones and come out on top for the bad.

Food Units
silk very vanilla soy milk is yummy.
orange juice, yogurt, turkey sandwich with tomatoes, mary janes, jelly doughnut, cream cheese, cheese, soy milk, and mustard 25
Total: 25

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.