Bread Baking Bonanza

I have discovered that I have just enough yeast to bake some bread. It’s SO going to happen today.


My last two loaves weren’t my best baking. Owing to my own laziness in greasing the pans while depending on the Maternal Parental to do the aforementioned, the bread rose a little too long in the first rising and lost all the fizzy goodness for the second rising. Alas, my bread was doughy.


This time around, I’m going to time it to exact measurements with the hope that I can make this small amount of yeast last.


Not much is happening today beyond that. I am getting ready to knit the gloves, watching New Scandinavian Cooking and adding my blogs to this new (for me) remote poster.


As to this poster, I’m getting used to it. It’s weird seeing my blog colors as a part of the posting template but, other than that, Windows Live Writer is very intuitive and not at all difficult to work with. LOL, I like things difficult though. It even allows me to set categories and tags in the post, as well as make new ones. That’s worth a lot, not having to log into the site to do so.


So, I am finally going to follow my fitness schedule tonight. I lost some weight and I’ve got a motivation to lose more. I’m not just going to dance tonight, I’m going for the full 90-120 minute workout. I’m hoping that, within six weeks, there will be a noticeable difference in my weight and overall muscle tone. Ugh, I’m really not looking forward to this but…it must be done.


I also cancelled the appointment with Bethesda. The Maternal Parental has been majorly freaking out about the possibility of something “tragic and devastating” happening on my planned trip. She’s older and delicate now. I don’t want to worry her unnecessarily.


One thing I have to look forward to are my Protégés. One, I don’t have direct contact with but the other I do. I’ve gotten both crochet hook sets and, in the case of my geographically closer student, I’ve gotten a full bag of knitting implements including yarn enough to practice with, knitting needles crochet thread and steel crochet hooks. One protégé is 29 and the other is barely 13 with a rambunctious younger brother tearing through her possessions. You can guess who got what.


If only Padawan would come and get his stuff…


I am also teaching myself to write patterns. If I can ever get YouTube to load properly, I found a few promising videos as well as promising blog posts and information on professional pattern designer’s websites for me to peruse. I’m hoping to learn within a month’s timeframe. The best laid plans of Mice…


That’s all, folks. I’m going to go start the gloves now. Later. SmileDevil

Beyond Here Lies Nothing…

Hello, I’m KaliTime Camaralzman and I’m Agoraphobic. I was going to do a video about this but…blergh. It’s just too bloody depressing. With Agoraphobia, you tend to take baby steps in progress, hold your ground or freefall in regression as far as the condition goes. Normally, I tend towards progression but today…and tomorrow, I took a somersaulting fall backward.

I had two appointments scheduled for this week and a third appointment I was going to accompany the Maternal Parental on. The appointment with the Maternal Parental had to be skipped owing to my receiving an important package the same day. Not too upsetting.

Today though…*sigh*

I was supposed to go out to Hunt Valley for a research study appointment but couldn’t make it owing to the massive pit of terror that opened up like a black hole in my belly. So I tried the breathing exercises and other Mindfulness techniques I’d been taught in the hopes that I could salvage the appointment and still make it. No such luck. I got all vomity and quaking about ten minutes into it and knew I couldn’t have made it out to Hunt Valley in time for the appointment given my condition.

That left the increasingly unlikely appointment the next day. That appointment was even further away, just outside of Bethesda, Maryland with multiple transfers and loads of those people things milling about the place with their lack of respect for personal space and their boisterous attitudes so early in the morning. The more I thought about it, the more ill I became until I found myself calling ahead to the contact person for the meeting to explain that I couldn’t make it tomorrow.

For the first appointment, I’m eligible to go back out as soon as I qualify for another study. For the second appointment, we’re trying to schedule something sometime in the near future.

All I can say is that I’m really not liking this illness right now. I mean, we normally have our differences but I was just separated from a sizable sum of money today which could have fed my pet bank accounts much needed cashy money.

Ah well, it can’t be helped.

Now that the rest of my month is free, I can focus on these commissions that I’m not likely to be paid for. *dark look*

You know, if I find myself not getting paid this time, I’m selling the pink stuff and keeping the rest for myself.

Thankfully, I have a few projects to look forward to rather than run away from. All the stuff I’m making for my friends including the most recent request that I’m doing for free. A little Hobbes doll! I’m overjoyed to be making that one. It makes the paid work seem less daunting knowing I have that and other cool projects waiting in the wings for my friends that aren’t unappreciated.

Tonight’s agenda is Doctor Who. I’m planning on watching Series Eight all by myself once and for all. I’m up to the episode everyone talked about, Kill The Moon. After that, I think I’ll dust off series one of True Blood and have it in the background while I knit. Nothing says knitting mood like bloody gore and gratuitous violence.

One good thing about my day: I managed to get Series 200 of Knitting Daily at a fraction of the price it normally sells for. I’m hoping to get more deals like that.

Now, to Doctor Who I go. Later!

I Live…

I took my first trip into the city by myself since becoming agoraphobic. Obviously, I’m writing this, so I survived. Yay!

It wasn’t as bad as my mind built it up to being. I was in a really busy area of downtown Baltimore city, surrounded by those people things, and I didn’t freak out at all. I made it to my appointment early and fulfilled my planned tasks admirably. As proven on my Instagram, I even rode the transit system all by myself.

I neglected to bring a project with me today though. Thankfully, I had my phone with its plethora of mental distractions. I learned languages and listened to music mostly during my sojourn. That was fun.

Next on my agenda is repotting some plants that desperately need repotting, continue in the knitting and crocheting saga that I have entangled myself in, clean up the disaster area also known as my room, vacuum and shampoo the carpet throughout the whole house, do the shopping for food and other sundries and ship off that which I have made already for others.

Now, for proof of my insanity: Clearly, I have lost my mind for even looking at this page when I have so many other things to do on my lists.

Speaking of insanity, I’m going to get more yarn from Knit Picks. It’s a vicious cycle, this yarn addiction is. You buy a bit and think that’s all you’ll get and before you know what’s hit you, you’re drawn in by its silky texture and cozy warmth. Then, you buy more and think you’ve got control, but you don’t. Not really. That’s when the hook is in. Oh yeah. That’s when they’ve got you. You try to shake it off and go cold turkey, then they go and offer you a $5 off promo code. So, now you’re going to spend the money you should be saving to go to the dentist on yarn. It’s a tragedy… o_O

I also ordered some reusable pie pans. I plan on making various pies with them. Right now, I’ve got a plan for turkey pot pie for the foreseeable future. I have vegetables for one, I just have to get vegetables for the second one. Mmmm, Okra… 🙂

I also ordered:

The Times of Harvey Milk (Hulu+ link)
The Princess Bride (for 1.99USD)
Spaceballs (also for 1.99USD)
Doctor Who – Series Eight (definitely NOT for 1.99USD)

I had ordered Guardians of the Galaxy but had to cancel it owing to my wanting to get the Maternal Parental something nice.

Regarding my post yesterday: So far, I haven’t gotten any of the negative responses or unfriendings I feared I’d get. Everyone has been loving and awesome. I love you all. You’re so cool. 🙂

Now I’m Terrified…

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain”.

Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, Dune – 1965

I have an appointment, in Baltimore City, in a few days. I’m going to have to go to it by myself. I’m not feeling very good right now. Not good at all. It’s an appointment I can’t miss or reschedule and it’s been months in the making.

Right now, I can feel a Tsunami of panic trying to get in but I’m just numb. Hopefully, this numb feeling will stay with me through to and beyond the time of my appointment. Oh well, it could be worse. It could be a really far appointment like Bethesda. I’ll get through this. I’ll have to.

Just for shits and giggles, I’m taking a project with me. Probably a hat as it’s the least tedious to transport and easiest to throw in my backpack. Hopefully, my needles won’t get confiscated. 144 stitches is a lot of work to put onto needles right.

My mind keeps coming back to that fear. I’m going to keep repeating the litany to myself to calm down.

Tonight, I’m going to work on projects. I’m hoping my hands stop shaking long enough for me to properly crochet. Maybe some music will help.

*sigh* This Agoraphobia sucks.

Some good news: I put Disqus commenting on my Tumblr. I wish that would allow Disqus commenting on their site. I love being able to continue discussions long after a story or event is over with. I also like keeping track of my comments.

Well, I’d better get to crocheting. Later.

TEP – Daily Health Update Entry Forty Seven

This is the entry for 27 March 2009.

It’s really remarkable how much I’m shrinking. To think that I’ve been carrying around all this extra weight in liquid for all this time. Eeeeek.

I am back to being able to walk up and down the stairs without nearly dying, I can breathe again, and I can walk around without my legs feeling as though they’re about to pop open. Those are nice things.

Still, I’ve got to keep at it. The sooner I get healthy, the sooner I can go back to working on staying that way.

I might even beat the clock and even get back into the GEIO Study while there’s time. Still, health first. I’ve got until late June for the end of the study for me. It’s not even about the money [though that would be nice] but it is about me finishing something I started. I don’t want to leave it as a loose end if I can help it.

Food Units
medication 0
two bowls of cereal, a granola bar, buffalo chicken strips, and tea 26
Total: 26

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

I'm Out For Now

I sent the e-mail to the GEIO Study contacts explaining my current health situation and got an e-mail back from the PI stating that he couldn’t, in good conscience, allow me to participate further at the present time with my health as it is.

I’m sad about that but, in a way, I’m also glad. It’s a clear sign of a responsible medical professional considering the weight of the symptoms I’ve been experiencing to bar me from further participation until my health is cleared.

I’m still wondering about the nature of the weight I’m currently maintaining though.

If it really is as I think it is, then I’ve got a lot of weight that’s going to come off once this whole thing is resolved.

Ah well…*sigh*

Angioedema and Me

I talked with the emergency call doctor at CB and he seems to think that whatever this is going on with me sounds like Angioedema. He also thinks that it may be caused the Lamotrigine [Yay] and that I should go down to 100mg until I can get in to see my regular p-doc.

In the meantime, he suggested I talk with my PCP about getting some diuretics for all this extra fluid I’m carrying around.

Once I got off the phone with him, I threw one at the GEIO Study to see how this might affect my participation. I’m guessing that there’s going to be a problem and, given that, I’m sad about it. Those are really cool people working there and, if I should lose my position, I’m going miss them.

Other than that, my day’s going well. I’m currently planning out a meal table for the week and I’m keeping well hydrated…ironically.